angelasashes

and today is a horrible day. two years ago today my 'best friend' was pronounced dead at st. mary's hospital from a drug over dose. no illnesses, no drinking , no coke, no pot, no acid, no oxy, nothing but crystal methamphetamine in his system. i loved him dearly. "you are the definition of natural highlights" and it still makes me smile a little. how could i not smile? how could i let go of the small things i remember from that blurry time in my life when i didnt realized he was slipping away? when i was so caught up with joey and our immaturaty and my worries that maybe he would die from his addiction, but not tony. never tony. he was

so its been a year and some since ive had this. ive only submitted a few things but only because ofmy lack of faith in myself to be as "cool and artsy" as everyone else is and wants to be. i guess i dotn have refined skills, or know anything about photoshop, but maybe one day if i learn to have an eye for good pictures i can be not so... secretive and stupid about things. maybe one day i wont be embarrased.

ive been having bad omens and thinking too hard for a while now. i cant help but think that ive always lied to my parents and one more would kill me and them and everything in between. i cant argue or sleep soundly in my own bed knowing that though ive made a mistake, they gave me a second chance to live my life as if it never happened, yet i never stopped, and it continues, and i act as if i never will. though it might not seem like i do, i have respect for my parents and i cannot justify lying to them like i do anymore. he tells me he loves me now... i dont say anything back. im not sure if i do, but even if i did, i love my family more. i